Thursday, February 12, 2015

Storytelling Week 5: Sinbad the Suspect

Detective Casey looked over the file presented to him. Some officers had picked up a disheveled man with several large, high-quality diamonds in his possession. According to the report the man had approached the officers offering some diamonds in exchange for passage home. Further investigation of the diamonds had led back to a jewelry store robbery a few blocks from where they arrested the man. They also had reports from a local airstrip showing a stowaway in a small plane matching their suspects description. Immediately when the officers arrived back at the precinct with him, several detectives had passed him off to the next one. Unfortunately when he arrived at Detective Casey, there was no one left to pass him on to. Detective Casey let out the breath he was holding and entered the interrogation room. He sat at the table across from the suspect.

“So, Mr. Bad is it?”

“Sinbad, it's all one name.”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Sinbad. Can you tell me how you came into possession of these diamonds?” Detective Casey gestured to the diamonds in evidence bags on the table.

“Same way I told everyone else, I found them.”

“Where exactly did you find these millions of dollars’ worth of diamonds?”

“In a diamond field of course. Where else would I find them?”

"How did you arrive at this diamond field?"

"Oh, that's where the giant bird I was attached to landed."

The detective took a deep breath. "Perhaps it would be best if you told your version of events in their entirety from the beginning."

"Alright, if you insist. I am a merchant, responsible for the import and export of certain goods. I was traveling around looking for new goods to bring back with me. We stopped off at a small island for a short break. While there I fell asleep on the beach, and when I woke up the ship had left me there! I ran all around the island looking for some way to get their attention. That's when I found the giant white boulder that was very soft to the touch."

"A soft boulder, you say?"

"Yes! Only it wasn't a boulder at all! It was an egg! I had found the nest of the great Roc bird! Soon enough the bird itself returned to the nest. Here is where I saw my opportunity. I tied myself to the bird's foot so that when it next took flight it would take me with it. Sure enough, the next morning the bird left its nest and flew far away. When the bird landed, I untied myself and ran off to the side. I discovered soon enough that I stood in the middle of a field of snakes! The bird killed some and took them back to its nest. I took refuge in a cave for the rest of the night. The next morning I took a look around where I was. As I walked along I noticed several beautiful stones. I realized that I had to be in the field of diamonds! I knew other merchants came here all the time and I might be able to find some to help me get home! I gathered up as many stones as I could find and put them in my pockets, hoping that I could use some of them to secure my passage home. Luckily, it didn't take long for me to  find some other merchants. However, once they discovered that I had some diamonds, better quality than their own I'm sure, they became extremely jealous and attacked me! They rudely shoved me to the ground, restrained my hands, and tried to take my diamonds from me. Then they brought me here over what I am sure is a ridiculous misunderstanding that I now have to relate to you."

"I see. Thank you for that explanation, Mr. Sinbad. We'll get someone to take you back to your room now and hopefully by the morning we can get this all straightened out."

Sinbad smiled like that was the best thing he had heard all day. "It's nice to finally speak to someone who has some common sense!"

Detective Casey stood and exited the room letting out a huge sigh. His partner, Detective Hughes, came to stand beside him.

"So, what do you think he took?" she asked.

"I have no idea. Whatever it was that he took I hope it's worn off by morning."

"Regardless, we have enough to book him for stowing away on the plane. It was a small plane from Roc Airways. Then we've got the surveillance cameras showing him breaking into and stealing diamonds from the jewelry shop. We also have the statements from the officers he ran into whom he offered to trade the diamonds to for a ride home."

"Finish up the processing paperwork, and then we'll come back and deal with the rest of this in the morning. I'm going home. I've had enough of this for one day."

"See you tomorrow then."



Author Note: This story was inspired by The Second Voyage (Part 1Part 2). To be honest I had no idea what I was going to do with this story. When I was just about to fall asleep, the idea of Sinbad trying to explain his voyage in a police interrogation came to me, I rolled over, texted a note about it to myself, went back to sleep and when I woke up I decided to run with it. The story that Sinbad tells to the police is the original story from Sinbad's second voyage. In the original story he did in fact get stranded on an island, find a giant egg, tie himself to the leg of the giant bird the egg belonged to, go to the valley of diamonds, encounter some other merchants and using diamonds he gathered he was able to negotiate passage home. I chose to make it seem like the whole thing was a delusion he had. I tried to incorporate the details of what really happened in my story fit along with the delusion such as the valley of diamonds actually being a jewelry store and the Roc bird actually being a small plane from Roc Airways. The image I chose depicts Sinbad in the Valley of Diamonds and is an illustration of the original story.

Bibliography: The Arabian Nights' Entertainments by Andrew Lang, illustrated by H. J. Ford (1898).

13 comments:

  1. I thought your idea of making Sinbad retell his story to a policeman during an interrogation was a cool idea. Like you, I have read a few stories that I had no idea how to retell them. I think you did a good job. One of my favorite lines was at the beginning when the police officer said, “So, Mr. Bad is it?” I thought that was pretty funny. Good job overall.

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  2. Your idea to use the story in a sort of detective or interrogation setting was great. I liked the ending where it becomes obvious that the Sinbad in this story was being questioned for taking all the diamonds but was under the influence of something leading him to tell the outlandish story. Good job on this story! It was really easy to read and was very amusing.

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  3. I think your stories are so great. You do an excellent job of grabbing the reader’s attention right from the get-go. A lot of your stories feel like they came out of a chapter of a book and they are well written. This story had a really good flow and was easy to read. You had one really long quote in the middle of your story and I thought it made your story stand out. Usually you don’t see a big chunk of text in one paragraph but since yours was a quote, it changed it up a bit!

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  4. I love how this story had such a twist to it. It is very cool how you incorporated the original story with a modern setting. You did a great job making the different elements of the original fit into modern day. I especially liked how Sinbad stowed away on a plane from Roc Airlines. I also like how you let Sinbad tell his story first (the original) and then revealed to the readers what really happened through the dialogue between the detectives. The detectives also added humor by talking about what Sinbad must have taken to be having such a hallucination. To offer some constructive criticism, you might want to work on the flow of the first paragraph. I would suggest dividing the third sentence in two or editing it to be shorter somehow. Also, when the detective says “’No idea, whatever it was’” I think there should be a ‘but’ after the comma or start a new sentence with ‘whatever.’ Great job!

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  5. I love how you rewrote a story about Sinbad! I remember watching a movie about Sinbad when I was younger and I absolutely loved it. My parents got sick of me watching it so much when I was little that they would actually hide the movie from me sometimes haha. Your story is great! I was not expecting the plot twist! Your story really grabbed my attention. Your story was so creative in having Sinbad being interviewed by the police. Absolutely fantastic! It was really easy to follow and flowed nicely. I can't wait to read more of your stories!

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  6. I am shocked that you just kind of came up with this concept. I think it is brilliant! You managed to incorporate the original story with the one you created, and it flowed so well wit each other. I liked how you had the story in modern time, but had Sinbad off in some fantasyland that he seems to believe is true. I am betting he is high off LSD lol.
    You really did do a good job at tying those in together. I liked how you established the setting, had Sinbad go off in his fantasy (which I was confused when I was reading it), and than you tied in all together at the very end. You grabbed my attention, kept it the whole time, and gave me good closure on the ending. I also did not find any grammatical mistakes at all, and nothing seemed useless info or repetitive.

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  7. I think you did a great job with this story! I love how you incorporated the original story into your adaptation, but you truly made this story your own. I think you set up the story great, and you gave Sinbad a great character. The character development was strong, as you used a lot of dialogue to develop Sinbad into someone the audience can picture and relate to. I thought the plot was exciting and it kept me interesting the entire way through. I really think you did a great job overall. I don't have any suggestions for grammar or holistically, but I am glad that I chose to read this story! Great job with it! Looking forward to reading more from you! Also, I like the title you chose for this!

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  8. Your story is very well thought out! I was really taken away with all the unique turns-of-phrase that you came up with to keep the dialogue flowing between the two characters.

    I would say that you should try indenting or making new paragraphs, even when you have long extents of dialogue that are continuous from one character. This will make the ideas and concepts of the characters more distinct and be more "digestible" for the reader to take in at once. This only is a problem once in your story, so I won't harp on it too much.

    Another thing that you might want to consider is inserting more action between your dialogue. I only say this because it really seems that you enjoy writing dialogue a LOT, which is great! But you should still make sure that there is something developing outside of the story in the dialogue, that way the audience won't be prompted to wonder where the plot has gone.

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  9. Rachel, I like this story a lot! I've already had the joy of reading your other story as well and have really enjoyed the whole detective/legal enforcement type of theme. At the beginning of the semester, I chose to read all of the Sinbad stories, and am familiar with the original. I felt like this actually make reading your story so much more enjoyable.

    I could easily relate to the officer because when I read all of the Sinbad stories, they were always ridiculously unbelievable! The way you present this really plays up how ridiculous all of the stories really are.

    I like that you made the places in the stories realistic things as well, such as ROC airways for the roc bird, and a jewelry story for the diamond field. This just made the story flow really well. The only suggestion I have is to break up the paragraphs a little bit just so they aren't extremely long!

    Great job on your portfolio, Rachel!

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  10. The little summary sentence by the title of your story was truly grasping! It was the reason I picked this story to read. I think the use of the dialogue really helped set up the body of the story. For some reason, I have a harder time reading white text on black backgrounds, so that would be my own suggestion. Maybe try looking through different themes for your portfolio. The writing was beautifully illustrated throughout the whole text. I felt like I could picture the poor Sinbad being interrogated by the way you set up the character with just his speech. I also liked when Detective Casey called him Mr. Bad!

    It was super fun to read through your Author’s Note because not only did you give the reader some background of why you chose to use this story as your foundation, but you also gave personal details that really made me appreciate the story even more!

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  11. Rachel,

    I think you started the story off very well by having the setting be a police station. Some of the descriptions of Sinbad that I have heard the past are ones that describe him as being a thief and a trickster.

    And the fact that you also create the story to have it come from the viewpoint of the detective, makes it seem much more believable. It causes the reader to want to keep on reading to see what is going to happen next.

    The fact that you then bring the story back to the real world, after Sinbad finishes telling it, allows the reader to finish the story as a whole and not feel like there are any missing pieces in the story. Then the other detective saying how there is evidence that shows that Sinbad did certain things in real life, make the story seem more like a crime show than just a story.

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  12. I loved the twist at the end with Roc Airways. Up to that point I wasn't sure if maybe his story was correct and it was just coincidence that I diamond store got robbed, but that definitely cleared it up for me. The way you decided to structure the story is fantastic, with the interrogation by the police officer being especially clever. I would recommend including some interruptions by Detective Casey during the long explanation, just so it doesn't feel like one big chunk of dialogue. You also might consider describing Sinbad a little. Talking about his potentially disheveled clothing and glassy eyes would add even more to the overall humor you have going. Other than that, the grammar is great and the plotline is excellent. I also think the discussion at the end between the officers when they're just thoroughly fed up with dealing with idiots does even more to develop your characters. Great job!

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  13. What a great story, Rachel! It was broken up enough so that it wasn't a tough read on the eyes (if that makes sense), flowed nicely throughout, and the dialogue was easily discernible between characters! I thought the humor you tried to convey throughout came through nicely, especially with the detective listening to Sinbad so intently, then he and his partner discussing whether or not Sinbad was on something! Great work!

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